Sloppy Writing

Example:

"This is a high-speed roller coaster ride. It is not recommended for those with a heart condition, back problems, or pregnant mothers."

• Error: The list of items in the second sentence does not have a parallel structure.

Correction:

"This is a high-speed roller coaster ride. It is not recommended for pregnant women or for those with heart conditions or back problems."

Revised:

"This high-speed roller coaster is not recommended for pregnant women or for those with heart conditions or back problems."

Owl Editing

Rules of Writing

The quality of scientific writing would be enhanced enormously if only scientists would learn to adhere more carefully to seven easy rules. These rules can be illustrated by applying them to a simple declarative sentence such as:    Modern Minnesota barns have roofs.

1. Every sentence should begin with a passive verb:
   There are modern Minnesota barns which have roofs.


2. The verb "to have" should always be replaced by the verb "to be characterized by":
   There are modern Minnesota barns which are characterized by roofs.


3. Every sentence should begin with a conjunction; "and", "but", and "yet" are quite acceptable, but "however" is preferred:
   However, there are modern Minnesota barns which are characterized by roofs.


4. Terms such as "occur in", "are located", and "presence of" should be used as often as possible:
   However, there are modern barns located in the state of Minnesota which are characterized by the presence of roofs.


5. The noun "time" should never be used without the prefix, "period of":
   However, there are barns located in the state of Minnesota in the modern period of time which are characterized by the presence of roofs.


6. Important points should always be emphasized:
   However, the attention of the reader is called to the fact that it is important to note that there are barns located in the state of Minnesota in the modern period of time which are characterized by the presence of roofs.


7. Every scientist should use such terms as "spatial", "factors", and "environment" as often as possible, to demonstrate that he really is a scientist, and he should also use such terms as "socioeconomic" and "perception" to show quite clearly that he is a behavioral and social scientist, but such old-fashioned terms as "parameter" should be avoided like the plague:
   However, the attention of the reader is called to the fact that it is important to note that there are barns spatially located in the socioeconomic environment of the state of Minnesota in the modern period of time which are perceived to be characterized by the spatial presence of roofs.

The improvement is obvious. A serious scientist, of course, would replace such ridiculously simple and patently unscientific terms as "barn" and "roof" by a vastly more impressive and scientific terminology.


Back to Owl Editing

Avoid Sexist Language

To avoid sexist language that favors one gender, use words that are gender-neutral.

According to Linda Elizabeth Alexander, biased language can alienate any potential reader. If you alienate your readers, you lose credibility. Without their faith in your words, you have lost your audience and cannot make your argument. Therefore, avoiding sexism in your writing benefits everyone. Here are some tips for avoiding common mistakes regarding sexist language.

The use of a masculine pronoun (he, him) to refer to both genders is offensive to many people. Also, using terms such as "man" to define people can often be confusing - are you referring only to "men" or to "all people"? The easiest and best way to get around this is to rewrite the sentence in the plural, or avoid using a pronoun altogether.

Example:
Poor: A teacher must communicate clearly with her students.
Better: Teachers must communicate clearly with their students.


Avoid the use of "s/he" as a substitute for a proper pronoun. Although some have proposed the use of "s/he" as a substitute for "he or she," "s/he" is not a word and is awkward to pronounce.

Example:
Poor: The successful lawyer will shepardize all cases cited in a memo. S/he also will avoid quoting from headnotes.
Better: Successful lawyers will shepardize all cases cited in a memo. They also will avoid quoting from headnotes.


Don't assume that a particular job is filled by a particular gender. Female construction workers or female engineers are plentiful, and male nurses and office assistants are common.

Example:
Poor: The executive cannot do his job properly until he understands how.
Better: Executives cannot do their jobs properly until they understand how.


Usually, it's best to talk about "mail carriers" instead of mailmen, "flight attendants" instead of stewardesses, and "police officers" instead of policemen. Nevertheless, certain job titles refer to both men and women ("lineman" for example).

Do not go overboard; however, or become confusing by using awkward terms. Common sense will inform you that "sales associates" will work for sales women and salesmen, and "chair" can be used for forms of "chairman/woman/person."



Exercise. Make the following sentences gender-neutral:
1. The average employee is concerned about the quality of his work.
2. Anyone who wants to sign up for the seminar should bring his ID.
3. See your floor supervisor, and he will explain the new procedure.
4. The chairman started the meeting at 9:00 a.m.


See answers below...





Answers:
1. Average employees are concerned about the quality of their work. [use plural]
2. If you are interested in signing up for the seminar, please bring your ID. [address reader directly]
3. See your floor supervisor, and the supervisor will explain the procedure. [repeat title]
4. The chairperson started the meeting at 9:00 a.m. [use alternative word]



References:
http://www.enursescribe.com/avoidsexist.htm
http://ualr.edu/owl/avoidsexistlanguage.htm
http://www.basic-learning.com
http://www.kentlaw.edu/academics/lrw/grinker/LwtaGender_Neutral_Language.htm

Owl Editing

Avoid a Succession of Loose Sentences

This rule refers especially to loose sentences of a particular type, those consisting of two co-ordinate clauses, the second introduced by a conjunction or relative. Although single sentences of this type may be unexceptionable, a series soon becomes monotonous and tedious.

An unskillful writer will sometimes construct a whole paragraph of sentences of this kind, using as connectives and, but, and less frequently, who, which, when, where, and while, these last in non-restrictive senses.

The third concert of the subscription series was given last evening, and a large audience was in attendance. Mr. Edward Appleton was the soloist, and the Boston Symphony Orchestra furnished the instrumental music. The former showed himself to be an artist of the first rank, while the latter proved itself fully deserving of its high reputation. The interest aroused by the series has been very gratifying to the Committee, and it is planned to give a similar series annually hereafter. The fourth concert will be given on Tuesday, May 10, when an equally attractive program will be presented.

Apart from its triteness and emptiness, the paragraph above is bad because of the structure of its sentences, with their mechanical symmetry and sing-song. Contrast with them the sentences in the paragraphs in any piece of good English prose, as the preface (Before the Curtain) to Vanity Fair.

If the writer finds that he has written a series of sentences of the type described, he should recast enough of them to remove the monotony, replacing them by simple sentences, by sentences of two clauses joined by a semicolon, by periodic sentences of two clauses, by sentences, loose or periodic, of three clauses-whichever best represent the real relations of the thought.

from Weekly Business Writing Tips
http://www.basic-learning.com