Sloppy Writing

Example:

"This is a high-speed roller coaster ride. It is not recommended for those with a heart condition, back problems, or pregnant mothers."

• Error: The list of items in the second sentence does not have a parallel structure.

Correction:

"This is a high-speed roller coaster ride. It is not recommended for pregnant women or for those with heart conditions or back problems."

Revised:

"This high-speed roller coaster is not recommended for pregnant women or for those with heart conditions or back problems."

Owl Editing

Rules of Writing

The quality of scientific writing would be enhanced enormously if only scientists would learn to adhere more carefully to seven easy rules. These rules can be illustrated by applying them to a simple declarative sentence such as:    Modern Minnesota barns have roofs.

1. Every sentence should begin with a passive verb:
   There are modern Minnesota barns which have roofs.


2. The verb "to have" should always be replaced by the verb "to be characterized by":
   There are modern Minnesota barns which are characterized by roofs.


3. Every sentence should begin with a conjunction; "and", "but", and "yet" are quite acceptable, but "however" is preferred:
   However, there are modern Minnesota barns which are characterized by roofs.


4. Terms such as "occur in", "are located", and "presence of" should be used as often as possible:
   However, there are modern barns located in the state of Minnesota which are characterized by the presence of roofs.


5. The noun "time" should never be used without the prefix, "period of":
   However, there are barns located in the state of Minnesota in the modern period of time which are characterized by the presence of roofs.


6. Important points should always be emphasized:
   However, the attention of the reader is called to the fact that it is important to note that there are barns located in the state of Minnesota in the modern period of time which are characterized by the presence of roofs.


7. Every scientist should use such terms as "spatial", "factors", and "environment" as often as possible, to demonstrate that he really is a scientist, and he should also use such terms as "socioeconomic" and "perception" to show quite clearly that he is a behavioral and social scientist, but such old-fashioned terms as "parameter" should be avoided like the plague:
   However, the attention of the reader is called to the fact that it is important to note that there are barns spatially located in the socioeconomic environment of the state of Minnesota in the modern period of time which are perceived to be characterized by the spatial presence of roofs.

The improvement is obvious. A serious scientist, of course, would replace such ridiculously simple and patently unscientific terms as "barn" and "roof" by a vastly more impressive and scientific terminology.


Back to Owl Editing

Email Writing

Tip: Make it easy for your email reader to respond with a "yes/no" answer or short response.

For example:
Original: "Let me know what your thoughts are on Harry's proposal."
Better: "Should we adopt Harry's proposal?"


Tip: Save time brainstorming via e-mail.

When an important project needs brainstorming, but the key employees are at different locations, do this:
1. The project leader e-mails an outline of the project .
2. The e-mail should have a routing list.
3. The first employee on the list provides input and e-mails it to the next person.
4. The project leader takes the appropriate action.


(Adapted from "Simple Things You Must Do to Keep Your Job Today.")

Adding Emphasis

Emphasis in text can be added through underlining, italicizing, or using quotation marks. Italics are preferred unless their use would not be sufficiently noticeable.

Emphasis is typically added in the following cases:

• When identifying special words. The identified word is introduced with the phrase "the term" or "the word." e.g., The term "cougar" refers to older women dating younger men.
• When using foreign expressions that are not part of the English language. e.g., Pardone moi, I was not familiar with the rules.
• When identifying a word or phrase that would have been stressed in speech. e.g., The timesheets must be submitted before five o’clock.
• When writing titles of books, magazines, journals, or newspapers. e.g., Have you read "Seven Habits of Highly Effective People?"

Quiz
Add emphasis where needed:
1. The article in the New York Times focused on the state of the current economy.
2. Safety rules absolutely have to be enforced.
3. The word bloke is used in Britain to refer to a man.
4. Dios mio! That was awful.


http://www.basic-learning.com

Avoid a Succession of Loose Sentences

This rule refers especially to loose sentences of a particular type, those consisting of two co-ordinate clauses, the second introduced by a conjunction or relative. Although single sentences of this type may be unexceptionable, a series soon becomes monotonous and tedious.

An unskillful writer will sometimes construct a whole paragraph of sentences of this kind, using as connectives and, but, and less frequently, who, which, when, where, and while, these last in non-restrictive senses.

The third concert of the subscription series was given last evening, and a large audience was in attendance. Mr. Edward Appleton was the soloist, and the Boston Symphony Orchestra furnished the instrumental music. The former showed himself to be an artist of the first rank, while the latter proved itself fully deserving of its high reputation. The interest aroused by the series has been very gratifying to the Committee, and it is planned to give a similar series annually hereafter. The fourth concert will be given on Tuesday, May 10, when an equally attractive program will be presented.

Apart from its triteness and emptiness, the paragraph above is bad because of the structure of its sentences, with their mechanical symmetry and sing-song. Contrast with them the sentences in the paragraphs in any piece of good English prose, as the preface (Before the Curtain) to Vanity Fair.

If the writer finds that he has written a series of sentences of the type described, he should recast enough of them to remove the monotony, replacing them by simple sentences, by sentences of two clauses joined by a semicolon, by periodic sentences of two clauses, by sentences, loose or periodic, of three clauses-whichever best represent the real relations of the thought.

from Weekly Business Writing Tips
http://www.basic-learning.com